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[WHY] When do Koreans say ‘I love you’? Too fast, some say.

Published: 11 Apr. 2026, 07:00 Updated: 16 Apr. 2026, 19:00

KIM JU-YEON
[email protected]

A couple takes a selfie photo near the cherry blossoms in full bloom at a park in Seoul on April 4. [AP/YONHAP]

While getting into a taxi. Over the phone at night, after discussing “something about guitars.” On the first date, in a “love-bombing” display that involved gifts, flowers, a 150,000-won ($100) wallet, and him snapping photo after photo of her.

These were the moments three people said they first heard saranghae, or some version of “I love you,” from their Korean partners — all within the first week of dating.

Depending on where you come from or what you expect from the phrase, it might seem too early. But to younger Koreans, the third case aside, it’s a perfectly normal time to say the words.

Many daters I spoke with, as well as others online, described intercultural relationships in which the words “I love you” landed unevenly. Among non-Koreans, there was a sense that Koreans said it too quickly; for Koreans dating foreigners, largely from the West, the words came frustratingly long overdue.

Part of the disconnect lies in what the phrase is expected to do. In Western contexts, it often signals a shift from infatuation to something more serious. Said too early, it can feel unearned; said too late, it can feel withheld. The tension is amplified in an online age, when a search for “when to say I love you” yields a flood of advice and turns the phrase into a high-stakes, anxiety-inducing step.

To understand how Koreans say the words — and where misunderstandings might arise — I spoke with experts and two dozen daters. Saying “I love you” out loud, it turns out, is a relatively recent development in the country, which helps explain why its meaning and timing remain unsettled even among Korean couples.

Han Hyeon-jeong and her boyfriend enjoy a date at The Craic House in Itaewon, central Seoul, on March 29, on their 163rd day of dating. He told Han he loved her less than two weeks after dating; Han told him on their 100th day milestone. [KIM JU-YEON]

When do Koreans say I love you? Han Hyo-jeong’s boyfriend told her less than two weeks after making their relationship official that he loved her. It was, he told the Korea JoongAng Daily, the perfect moment. He was walking her home after a nice date. The street was quiet, the two of them alone, and Han looked especially “lovely.”

“It just came from within,” he said on the condition of anonymity for privacy reasons.

Han didn’t say it back immediately. They had started dating around a month after they first got to know each other, and she thought it was said “too casually.” But given her past experiences and what she heard from co-workers, she didn’t think much of it, either. Men here just tend to say it quickly, she said.

The couple’s experience fell within the roughly one-week-to-one-month time frame described by other young Korean couples. Kim Keon-hoo, a college student, said his girlfriend responded with an “I love you too” after he said it on a phone call within a week.

That’s in contrast to the 108-day average for men and 123 days for women in seven countries — Australia, Brazil, Chile, Colombia, Poland and Britain — as reported in a 2022 survey. In the United States, a 2011 study showed men started thinking about confessing their love around three months into the relationship, and women, around five months. More recent articles say the U.S. average is between two and six months, with three months seemingly the “sweet spot” for couples.

A couple enjoy a coffee date at the N Seoul Tower in Yongsan District, central Seoul, on March 20, 2019. [YONHAP]

The short time frame doesn't apply to Korean couples of all ages.

Colin Marshall, an American essayist based in Seoul, recalled meeting a Korean couple in their early 40s more than a decade ago, where the wife said her husband had never told her he loved her.

"He reacted as if that's obviously something it would never occur to him to say — nor, it seemed to me, did he feel any cultural expectation to do so," Marshall said. He himself heard the words from his Korean partner, now his wife, "pretty much right when we [they] made it official," after months of knowing each other.

One 55-year-old Korean, who asked to remain anonymous, said she has never said it to her husband in their nearly 30 years of marriage.

"I think this applies to most of my generation. We're not used to hearing 'I love you,' or using it, with family members or in romantic relationships. We expressed love in ways other than saying the words out loud," she said.

Romantic scenes from Korean drama series are displayed as part of a 3D media art installation titled ″K-Drama, Love Chapter″ at an exhibition hall in the Blue House in Jongno District, central Seoul, on July 7, 2025. [NEWS1]

What could this generational divide mean? Cultural psychologist Han Min said younger Koreans may have picked up the habit of saying “I love you” out loud from Western media beginning in the 1990s, as foreign cultural influences spread more widely following market liberalization.

“Korea had a strong desire to become more Westernized or more advanced. People watched what was portrayed in Hollywood movies and thought, ‘That’s desirable — that’s what’s good.’ They learned that an ideal relationship should include the verbal expression ‘I love you,'" he said.

That reflects a broader culture of adopting changes quickly, according to Dr. Han. "Once something is seen as ideal, people move past even longstanding norms very fast," he said.

A Korean woman surnamed Park, in her 30s, said she confessed her love to a partner within a month of their relationship, which began when she was in her early 20s. "I think I wanted to confirm their affection, because I then asked, 'Don't you love me too?'" she said.

With her current long-term partner, it took her six months, shaped by media that treated saying “I love you” as a "big moment."

"I thought I shouldn't say the words too lightly. I wanted to look cool," she said. But thinking over it now, Park said, “I wonder whether delaying it really made the feeling any more meaningful.”

Paul, 78, sits at a bar where Aaron Amaya works in Itaewon, central Seoul, on March 29. Paul's Korean partner said ″I love you″ to him two weeks after they started dating. [KIM JU-YEON]

Could Koreans be using the word "love" too lightly? Generally speaking, it has “lost some of its weight over time,” said Shin Ji-young, a linguist and professor of Korean language and literature at Korea University. It is simply used more often, and its meaning has expanded beyond romantic partners and family to include objects, moments and everyday life.

That is not to suggest Koreans use it indiscriminately. The sense that the timing is off in romantic relationships seems to come down to the intent and expectations behind the words, as well as the underlying dynamics between the participants.

Many Koreans I spoke with said they used the phrase casually in established relationships, almost like saying goodbye — often before going to bed, when parting or after a date.

Meanwhile, "'You don't even know me,'" is what Aaron Amaya, a 31-year-old Spaniard, thought when his Korean date said she loved him after three weeks of first meeting him. He believes she was trying, by making him say the words back, to get him to commit to a relationship. For him, love is “supposed to be a big feeling,” and “I love you” shouldn’t be said so “freely,” he said.

If “I love you” functions within a dynamic of demand and acceptance — expressing a deeper level of intimacy or asking for commitment — the words can carry more weight, Prof. Shin said, even as she cautioned that more data would be needed to determine whether people actually say it earlier or why. But if it simply signals a desire to continue a romantic relationship, the expression may feel lighter.

Why is saying "I love you" so hard? A heart symbol in a labyrinth is pictured in this illustration. [GETTY IMAGES]

Studies have shown that in heterosexual relationships, men tend to say it faster than women, often viewing it as a step toward intimacy, while women are more likely to interpret early declarations with caution. Unsurprisingly, attachment styles matter — avoidant people care less about hearing "I love you" than anxious ones.

Licensed therapist Kim So-hee said that in her work with clients, people often use expressions of love to manage their own anxiety. It could be to check for reciprocation, to establish boundaries for what the relationship can entail — such as whether physical intimacy is possible — or simply to indicate the next step in the relationship.

She suggests that intercultural couples have an honest discussion about what "I love you" means to them and find a mutual understanding and pace that works for both.

"Ideally, it should be said when you genuinely feel it — but what's more important is being honest and open in how you express yourself. It's healthy to clearly define the relationship and communicate in a consistent way," Kim, director of the Todak Hug Counseling Center and Korea Todak Todak Research Institute, said.

That was the case for a 26-year-old man surnamed Kim and his American girlfriend, who said she was initially shocked when he told her “love ya” as she got into a taxi less than a week into their relationship. For Kim, the words are “just the right thing to say” when that “emotional surge comes,” a view his girlfriend has since come to share. They now say it to each other regularly.

“Maybe it’s like currency? It's an agreed-upon value,” she said.

BY KIM JU-YEON [[email protected]]