Home > National > K-campus

Foreign partners of Koreans share stories of falling in love, living together

Published: 17 Jun. 2023, 10:00 Updated: 20 Jun. 2023, 13:30

Lexi Blair and her Korean boyfriend of four years [LEXI BLAIR]

Some people spend their entire lives searching for their soulmates. And some just happen to find theirs in another country.

Julia Linder, a 24-year-old international student from Germany at Ewha Womans University in Seoul, met her Korean boyfriend online four years ago. A master’s student in international business, Linder met her boyfriend on a language exchange app in 2018 while she was in Germany and he was in Korea. It wasn’t until 2019 that they met in person when she traveled across the globe.

Sogand Nikkhah Bahrami, who finished her Korean language program at Kyung Hee University in Seoul last year, also met her Korean husband online through an app. The Iranian has been living in Korea for more than two years and currently teaches English while doubling as a freelance interpreter and translator.

Lexi Blair, a 25-year-old from the United States who completed Pusan National University’s Korean language program in Busan, has been dating her Korean boyfriend for four years after meeting him on Tinder.

Linder, Bahrami and Blair discussed what it’s like having a Korean boyfriend or husband and the cultural hurdles they had to overcome throughout the years.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Q. Please introduce yourself.

A. Linder: I am currently studying international business at Ewha Womans University Graduate School for International Studies as a Global Korea Scholarship scholar. I currently live with my boyfriend in Seoul.

Bahrami: I have always been fascinated by Korean culture from a young age, and that’s why I started learning Korean at the Sejong Institute in Iran before coming to Korea. I met my husband three years ago, and we got married last year.

Blair: I am from a really small town in Ohio in the U.S. I’m now working in Korea as a remote marketing and social media specialist.

Sogand Nikkhah Bahrami and her Korean husband [SOGAND NIKKHAH BAHRAMI]

How did you meet your significant other?

Linder: We met on a language exchange app. I was in the second semester of my undergraduate studies, and he was doing his military service in the police when we first started texting in the spring of 2019. I wanted to learn Korean, and he wanted to learn German, so we helped each other. He quickly gave up on German, but we continued talking as friends. I traveled to Korea in the summer of 2019, and that was when we met each other in person for the first time.

Bahrami: Back when I was in Iran, I was looking for a Korean to be my speaking partner via different language exchange apps. I met my current husband through one of the apps, and we ended up talking and talking.

Blair: We met on a dating app. He was actually in the military at the time. The first time he texted me he said he was busy and that he would talk to me in a couple of weeks. I never thought I’d hear from him again, but here we are.

Julia Linder and her Korean boyfriend of four years [JULIA LINDER]

How long have you been together and were there any challenges throughout that time?

Linder: We have been together for almost four years now. There were many challenges, especially in the first two years. We were in a long-distance relationship during the first year because I was studying in Germany, and he was still doing his military service in Korea. Even though we talked on the phone every day, it was hard because we only met once during the first year. He finished his military service in May 2020, and we wanted to meet then, but because of the coronavirus, we couldn’t. I came to Korea in August 2020 for an exchange year, and we moved in together for the first time. Because we moved in together after seeing each other only twice, we fought a lot in the first few months. We had very different lifestyles and had to adapt to one another. Our apartment was also only 17 square meters big (183 square feet), so we were always together in a very small space. The first two years were frustrating sometimes, and it took a while for us to sort things out.

Bahrami: We've known each other for almost three years, and we got married last year. Because I studied Korean for a long time, I knew a lot about Korean culture, so we didn't have much cultural conflict. But my husband and I grew up in different environments, so we had differences regarding the way we do things and think. For instance, the recycling process in Korea is very strict compared to that of Iran, so in the first few days I moved in with my husband, we argued a lot. Also, since we talk to each other in Korean and I sound like a native, he sometimes doesn't consider that I'm still a foreigner and expects me to know every little detail of living in Korea.

Blair: We've been together for almost four years. The biggest challenge at first was definitely always feeling like we didn't have enough time. It was so sad. As soon as either of us arrived in each other's country, it was like counting down until the last day again. It created a lot of pressure and tension and made it hard to have our own time. We were like, "Don't go the gym today. I only have one month left before I leave. We need to spend time together." I look back and laugh now because we are so much more stable and comfortable. But it was very stressful at the time.

So how did you manage to solve those problems?

Linder: I think we managed to do so by communicating our thoughts and feelings well. We never shout at each other and try to listen to what the other person has to say. Now we are happily living together.

Bahrami: I think the key to solving a problem in international dating is just love and patience. Because at times, you might get really tired and want to give up on everything but won’t let this happen. When we have misunderstandings, we try to solve them by talking to each other and making each other understand the situation.

Blair: We just tried to understand each other and also be patient with our own process.

Blair with her boyfriend and his family [BLAIR]

Were there any other cultural or language differences?

Linder: I don’t think we had any language problems because we are both fluent in English, the language we use primarily. Sometimes we would fight because of cultural differences. For example, in Western countries, it is quite common to have male friends and to hang out with them even if you are in a relationship. In Korea, it is apparently not as common, so my boyfriend would be upset when I go out with my male friends.

Blair: Not really. He speaks English almost as well as I do. I actually thought he was Korean American when we first met. I think most Koreans are familiar with American culture. And young Americans are expected to be keenly aware and accepting of other races, cultures and people. We are both very open-minded and have no issues accepting each other’s culture. That part was very easy.

Korean families can sometimes be negative about their children being in an international relationship. Did you ever have a problem with your boyfriend's family or your own family?

Linder: Luckily, I never had any problems with my boyfriend’s family. They are so welcoming, loving and warm-hearted toward me, and I am extremely grateful for that since this is not a given. I heard many stories of Korean families who don’t accept foreign partners. My family also likes my boyfriend a lot. Having our families support our relationship makes us happy. It is unfortunate that our families cannot communicate with each other due to language barriers, but everyone is very accepting.

Bahrami: We haven't had any problems with our families. My in-laws live in another city, and every time we visit them, they make dishes that I like and give me lots of food. They care about me and sometimes call and ask if everything is OK. My family also loves my husband so much. They visited Korea once and stayed at our house for a couple of days. I can say that we are close to each other's parents.

Blair: His parents always accepted our relationship. I am especially close to his mom and love her so much. My mom loves my boyfriend. Sometimes I think she loves him more than she loves me. But she doesn’t know we met online. I don’t think she’d understand.

Do you think it’s hard to date someone from another culture? What are some differences between dating a foreigner and someone from your own country?

Linder: It’s not hard if you keep an open mind and are willing to learn and accept differences. I think it’s really fun and interesting to learn new things about different cultures. But one thing people should be aware of when dating someone from another country is that you have to decide where to stay in the long term. As my boyfriend and I come from different countries, we have to decide where we want to live in the future, and no matter where we choose, one person, or even both, has to leave their country, family and friends behind. If my boyfriend and I decide to stay in Germany, he has to leave his life in Korea. If we stay in Korea, I have to leave my life in Germany behind.

Bahrami: If you know the language well and can communicate with each other I don’t think there is a significant difference between dating someone from your country or another. But again, it all depends on how much you can communicate in your partner’s language. If you understand each other, have the same hobbies and enjoy each other’s company, I guess love is appreciated whenever you find it, and you won’t find so many differences if you look at it that way.

Blair: I think the hardest part is basically having two lives. I love my boyfriend, his family and living in Korea. I also love my friends and family back home. When I’m in Korea, I miss Ohio. But When I’m in Ohio, I miss Korea.

Linder with her parents and boyfriend [LINDER]

How do you see your future with your partner?

Linder: Bright. After our rough start, we are doing well now. We talk a lot about our future, and I am excited about what’s ahead of us.

Bahrami: We are trying to stay with each other during any moment of our lives, no matter how hard the situation is. We want to stay together forever.

Blair: I’m very confident about our future. We plan to get married maybe in a few years. We’d like to live in Korea for a while and then move to Australia for a while, then maybe Europe. Who knows! We just want to make money and travel and live in many different places comfortably.

Bahrami with her Korean husband [BAHRAMI]

Do you have any words of advice for other international couples?

Linder: I think my only advice would be to try talking to each other and not be scared of doing so. Most problems can be solved by talking.

Bahrami: My answer would be to learn each other's language. Communicating with your partner is really important. Besides language, it's important to find someone who really matches your personality, shares the same hobbies as you and even has the same eating preferences. Of course, you won't find with the exact same personality as yours, but being able to enjoy moments together and share similarities will make everything easier.

Blair: Although culture is important, I think international dating requires a lot of patience, confidence and stability. Get used to stares on the subway. Get comfortable being alone. Find hobbies and have a life of your own separate from your Korean partner. You are your own person, after all. Don't forget where you come from or feel pressure to become Korean to fit in.

BY STUDENT REPORTER HELIA NIKZADDINAN [[email protected]]