For some young Koreans, the new trend is quality time with someone special: Mom

"Freeze-dry mother."

The phrase may sound alarming, but it is simply an expression many self-described "eommisae" use to convey a wish that their mothers could stay exactly as they are forever.

The recently-coined portmanteau is derived from "nammisae," a similar term with a negative connotation describing someone obsessed with men, becoming a popular label on social media.

On Instagram and TikTok, self-described eommisae post videos praising their mothers, documenting mother-daughter dates and explaining why their moms are their favorite companions.

For many of them, the latest source of social media content isn't a luxury purchase or an influencer getaway. It's having a great relationship with their mother — and they're proud to show it.

One famous self-described eommisae is Wonhee of girl group ILLIT. Appearing on the YouTube show "Idol Human Theater" last month, she proudly embraced the label and spoke fondly of her mother.

"I send my mom eommisae reels and she just laughs," she said. "I only show my aegyo [cuteness] to my parents. My mom understands everything."

What appears at first glance to be a wholesome social media trend is actually indicative of a wider cultural emphasis on well-being. The phenomenon reflects the growing value placed on emotional stability, as well as broader social changes, from evolving parent-child relationships and delayed independence to the growing role mothers play as companions in adulthood.

The rise of eommisae

In eommisae content, daughters often showcase the nonchalant, charming and caring sides of their mothers with affectionate captions.

One video with an #eommisae tag on Instagram features footage of a creator's mother and lists reasons why "my mom is the best boyfriend." Among the reasons are carrying all her bags, letting her have the first bite of delicious food and constantly making her laugh.

"Unlike friendships, there is a kind of comfort that only family can provide," said Kim Eun-byeol, who uploaded the video. "My mom and I spend a lot of time together. When we can't meet, we talk on the phone."

Other videos simply document mother-daughter dates.

Jang Yoon-kyung, a woman in her 20s, has uploaded videos of herself visiting trendy places with her mother, including dressing up in hanbok, traditional Korean attire, and taking photographs around Seoul.

"We know each other better than anyone else in the world," said Jang, who likes to visit cafes known for their desserts or explore trendy neighborhoods with her mother once or twice a month.

"There are many things we understand without having to say them. There is also a comfort that feels different from friendship. There's no keeping score with my mom." 

Im Ji-hyeon is another young woman who proudly shares her affection for her mother online.

She goes to the theater with her mother three or four times a month, and the two regularly spend evenings talking at home. "The biggest difference from being with friends is that I can freely act cute and be completely spoiled," she said.

As the term has gained popularity, so has a growing ecosystem of eommisae-related content. Posts recommend "books every eommisae should read" or "Hongdae date spots for eommisae to visit with your mom."

One content creator even created a quiz to determine whether someone is an eommisae, drawing more than 200 comments from users proudly sharing their scores.

One question asks, "What's the first thing you do when you get home?" The most eommisae answer: "Call mom immediately if she's not there." Another question asks, "How much do you share with your mothers? " with the highest score given for those who said they give real-time updates on everything, including their dating lives.

Something money can't buy

Posting about a loving and supportive mother is not simply a way of celebrating a close relationship. It showcases something deeper.

"[A healthy relationship with parents] provides emotional security, which in turn influences how a person relates to others. It helps build trust and a sense of stability in relationships," said Kwak Keum-joo, an emeritus professor of psychology at Seoul National University.

The comments beneath many eommisae videos suggest that this is precisely what viewers admire and envy. The admiration is often directed not only at the mothers but at the emotional stability and sense of security that such relationships appear to represent.

One commenter wrote, "That's why you're such a princess today," while another said, "You're lucky to have parents who raised you with so much love."

"The emotional support that comes from parents fosters emotional stability, and today that stability has become one of a person's valuable resources and assets," Kwak said.

Kwak added that close parent-child relationships often become more difficult to maintain as people grow older, making them all the more valuable.

"As children enter adolescence, their focus gradually shifts from parents to friendships. Later, when they enter the work force, their attention moves toward colleagues and other social relationships. Because of these life transitions, maintaining the same level of closeness with parents is not always easy."

She also noted that emotional security derived from healthy family relationships has become particularly valuable as emotional well-being has come to be increasingly prioritized and the ability to build healthy relationships with others is also highly valued.

"Emotional stability derived from healthy relationships serves as nourishment when building and sustaining relationships with others," Kwak said. 

The changing role of mothers

The rise of eommisae can be partly explained by a life-stage transition, according to Lee Jae-rim, a professor in the Department of Child Development and Family Studies at Seoul National University.

"After adolescence, a period when conflict with parents is common, young adults typically undergo a process known as recentering," said Prof. Lee. "Through this process, they begin to see their parents more realistically as individuals and often develop greater understanding, appreciation and gratitude toward them."

But that alone does not fully explain the phenomenon. 

Lee said the prevalence of eommisae content can also be partly attributed to the important role today's mothers in Korea play in their children's lives by providing multiple forms of support.

"Mothers frequently provide financial support, practical support such as cooking, cleaning and giving rides, as well as social, informational and emotional support," Lee said.

Many mothers of today's young adults also belong to Generation X and possess resources that younger generations value.

"They often have resoruces such as educational backgrounds, financial stability and sophisticated tastes that adult children prefer," Lee said.

"Many are also homemakers or retirees, meaning they possess another important resource: time," she said, adding that in that sense, eommisae may "largely be a middle-class phenomenon."

The shift reflects broader changes in Korean parenting and family culture, where emotional closeness and friendship between parents and children are increasingly emphasized.

This kind of friend-like relationship would have been far less common in Korea a generation ago, when mothers were often seen primarily as caregivers responsible for running the household rather than companions to spend leisure time with.

For some mothers, however, that past is precisely why they chose a different approach with their own children.

"My mom said many people in her generation grew up with more authoritarian parents," Im said. "Because of that, she wanted to become a friendlier and more approachable parent to her own children."

Lee also pointed to delayed economic independence among young adults as another contributing factor of eommisae.

According to data from the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), 81 percent of Koreans in their 20s lived with their parents in 2022, the highest share among OECD countries and far above the member state average of 50 percent.

Often referred to as the "kangaroo generation," many young adults continue to live with their parents because of rising housing costs and economic uncertainty. As a result, they spend more years sharing daily life with their parents and often maintain close relationships well into adulthood.

"I didn't move out until I was 27," said Jang. "As I spent more time with my parents, our relationship naturally became more like that of close friends."

At the same time, marriage is occurring later than ever. The share of unmarried Koreans aged 25 to 29 rose from 55.6 percent in 2000 to 92.2 percent last year, while among those aged 30 to 34 it increased from 19.5 percent to 66.8 percent.

While the delay in independence opens the door to a new stage in the child-parent relationship, however, it isn't without its risks.

Double-edged sword

Yet Lee said eommisae is not a one-sided dependency.

"Relationships between parents and adult children are inherently interdependent," she said.

"Adult children under their parents' wings provide emotional, social and informational support [to mothers] as well. For many middle-aged mothers, eommisae children can become a source of purpose and vitality."

Both professors Lee and Kwak, however, cautioned that the eommisae trend can be a double-edged sword.

"Some people never fully separate from their parents and become overly dependent on them. So the important question is whether the relationship is genuinely healthy, or whether the person has simply failed to become independent and remains excessively reliant on their parents. If it's the latter, that may not be a positive thing. It's something we should be cautious about."

Lee hopes the eommisae trend develops in a healthy direction.

"I hope young adults can use their positive relationship with their mothers as a kind of scaffold. They should be able to leave the nest and fly on their own, returning only when they need support."