Why a record number of Korean men are becoming stay-at-home dads

Grocery shopping, day care pickups and parenting classes, all daytime responsibilities traditionally handled by women, are increasingly being managed by a new generation of fathers.

A record number of Korean men are choosing to stay home, driven by economics, shifting gender roles and, in many cases, a simple realization that they are good at it.

"At first, I was conscious of how people looked at me,” Lee Yong-woo, a 33-year-old stay-at-home father, said.

Lee quit the information technology company where he had worked for six years. Instead, he drops his daughter off at daycare before returning home to start dinner. He does this every day. 

"This is my job now," Lee said. "What matters isn't whether people think it's unusual for a man to stay home — it's whether my family is happy. I was just an assistant manager at work. But now I am the chief operating officer of the entire household."

Meanwhile, his wife, a manager at a major conglomerate, remained in the work force because she earned roughly twice his salary.

"After paying child care and housekeeping costs from what I made, there was almost nothing left," Lee said. "We chose what made the most sense."

Another father, a 38-year-old surnamed Kim who lives in Gwanak District, southern Seoul, reached a similar conclusion. His wife is a certified public accountant.

He thought, "If we both kept working like that, the family would fall apart." 

So, "One of the conditions I had before we got married was that I'd quit working at the factory I ran with my father and take charge of the home instead," Kim said.

Lee and Kim are part of  274,000 men who were classified as economically inactive because they were occupied with child care or housework in the first quarter of this year, according to the Ministry of Data and Statistics. It was the highest figure since records began. The number jumped 16.6 percent from a year earlier. 

The two fathers learned sewing and baby food recipes on YouTube. They swap tips in online parenting communities on the quickest routes to daycare and track supermarket sales before heading out to shop.

Lee and Kim both said there were times the apartment security guard would see them pushing a stroller or carrying grocery bags in the middle of the day and ask: "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

People may still think it's an unusual choice, but for us, it was the most rational one, according to Kim and Lee. 

The world of male homemakers

When Kim met a JoongAng Ilbo reporter on June 30, a typical Tuesday afternoon, green onions were poking out of the shopping bag in his hand.

"They were cheaper here," he said. "Another store sells a bundle for 2,600 won ($1.70), but the discount mart just down the road had them for 2,200 won."

Soon, he pitched his idea of what to prepare for dinner.

"My wife gets back today from a five-day business trip. I'm thinking of making yukgaejang [spicy soup] with lots of sliced green onions."

Kim's wife, 34, admitted she initially struggled with guilt.

"To be honest, I felt sorry for my husband at first," she said. “You know there's still a stigma around men staying home in Korea. But our child is doing well, and I'm able to focus on my work. Our family has found its rhythm. Looking back, it was absolutely the right decision."

The number of female full-time homemakers fell 1.9 percent from a year earlier to 6.54 million in the first quarter of this year, the lowest level ever recorded for the period.

The diverging trend reflects the rise of the "house husband" phenomenon, which was first observed in the United States in the early 1990s.

In the past, men often became homemakers after losing a job or business, but today more families are making the choice deliberately.

Women aged 25 to 34 with four-year college degrees or higher participated in the labor force at 95.5 percent of the rate for men last year, according to a report by the Bank of Korea in April. The figure was nearly double the 51.5 percent recorded in 2000.

The gap between young men and women in labor force participation has all but disappeared.

Women also accounted for 101.4 percent of the number of male professionals last year, effectively reaching parity. 

"The combination of smaller nuclear families, greater gender equality and a labor market where more women hold high-paying professional and corporate jobs led households to redistribute both time and resources," said Kim Sung-hee, head of the Institute for Industrial Labor Policy (translated). "Families are maximizing efficiency by allowing one partner to focus on child care and housework while the other concentrates on earning income." 

Beyond economics

Another 35-year-old male housemaker named Choi Won-hyeong introduced himself as a "home commander," a nickname given to him by his wife.

Six months into parental leave from his job at a major company, Choi realized he was better suited to running a household than climbing the corporate ladder.

"I served in the military as a logistics soldier," he said. "It turns out running the homefront suits me. My wife also works unpredictable hours at the hospital.”

After extending his parental leave, he resigned from the company altogether.

"At first, it felt strange staying home as a man," Choi said. "Now it's simply my job. My daily routine is actually more organized than when I worked at the office."

His wife, Park, is also satisfied.

"I'm now the sole breadwinner, but while I'm working on the front line, my husband is holding down the fort at home," Park said. "I am assured.”

Choi recently began taking one-on-one cooking lessons through the household services platform Soomgo after finding that YouTube tutorials were no longer enough.

"I was surprised to discover there are quite a few men like me," he said.

Cooking academies are noticing the shift as well.

"Three or four years ago, our students were about 90 percent women and 10 percent men," said Park Kwang-hyun, a team manager at Sisacook. "Now the ratio is closer to 70 percent women and 30 percent men. Middle-aged men often come to earn certifications or prepare to start businesses, while younger men are here mainly for practical skills or as a hobby."

Kim, who planned to make yukgaejang for his wife's return, is also taking cooking classes.

Department store culture centers are seeing similar changes.

"For classes involving infants and toddlers, parents are required to attend together with their children," a representative of a major department store in Seoul said. "About 30 percent of those accompanying the children are now fathers rather than mothers. Many of them also end up taking cooking or humanities classes while they're here."

Consumer electronics companies have begun tailoring their marketing strategies for male homemakers.

"Ads for products like dishwashers and robot vacuum cleaners used to emphasize design and color," a spokesperson for an appliance maker said. "Now, content highlighting performance specs and side-by-side comparisons — the kind of information male shoppers tend to look for — generates a much stronger response."

Eradicating stigma attached to male homemakers could help address Korea's persistently low birthrate, some experts say.

“The increase of male homemakers shows that more men are actively participating in child care and housework," said Koo Jeong-woo, a sociology professor at Sungkyunkwan University.

"Research has also found that greater paternal involvement in raising children is associated with higher birthrates. In that sense, this is a positive development as Korea confronts the dual challenges of an ultralow fertility rate and rapid population aging."

Backlogs in reality

The trend, however, has also exposed gaps in the social system that have yet to catch up.

Some insurers still classify male full-time homemakers as unemployed rather than homemakers. This scheme imposes premiums or restrictions on purchasing private health insurance.

Roughly one-third of male homemakers also fall within the International Labor Organization's core working-age population of 25 to 54. This means that retirees still account for the majority of male full-time homemakers.

"The insurance industry's occupational classification system was built around traditional gender roles, so it hasn't kept pace with the reality of men taking primary responsibility for housework," Lee Jeong-min, a research fellow at the Korea Financial Consumers Protection Foundation, said.

"Now that the number of male homemakers has surpassed 270,000, insurance and credit evaluation systems should recognize unpaid domestic workers regardless of gender,” researcher Lee added.

“The figure of 270,000 includes not only full-time homemakers but also men on parental leave,” Kim Jong-jin, head of the Korea Worker Institute, said. "Many are retirees. As the number of younger homemakers is also increasing, policies need to reflect those differences rather than treating them as a single group."

BY WON DONG-WOOK [[email protected]]